5 Strengths Introverts Bring to Romantic Relationships

Introverts and Romantic Relationships

Romance with an introvert can be truly incredible. The many virtues of introverts can make them great friends, colleagues, family members, and yes, romantic partners as well. Your introverted paramour may or may not be one to sweep you off your feet at first blush. Many introverts are slow to warm up in any social situation, let alone one so potentially loaded as a new romantic relationship. We introverts may have trouble initiating the first steps of a new relationship, or getting said relationship off the ground, especially if the object of our affection is expecting grand romantic gestures right out of the gate.

As a (now) proud introvert writing this article, perhaps I could be accused of tooting my own horn, or “giving myself flowers,” as the French say. However, through a series of romantic relationships over the course of my life with both introverted and extroverted types, and through the process of truly embracing my own introversion as an asset rather than a liability, I feel I have seen both sides of the introversion/extroversion coin and can speak from experience here.

Introvert-extrovert relationships can work exceedingly well, as can introvert-introvert pairings. It is my most fervent wish in this article to impress upon you the lovely and unique features an introverted partner can bring to a romantic relationship. I’m hoping this information will be particularly helpful if you are in a newer relationship with an introverted person. Read on to learn about five strengths of introverts in relationships that I have come to know.

Introverts are Good Listeners and Engaging Conversationalists.

If you are ready to be with someone who will actually listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to talk, an introvert may be your best bet. Introverts generally listen more than they speak rather than dominating conversations, and respond to what is being said on both an intellectual and emotional level.

Most introverts don’t mind (and even crave) long, meandering conversations, if that is your cup of tea. Many enjoy dissecting issues and examining things from multiple angles in in a non-linear fashion. If you want to be with someone with whom you can talk everything from philosophy to literature to emotions to old family memories to deep sea exploration to Game of Thrones, an introvert should fit the bill quite nicely.

Just remember that introverts may need extra conversational space to feel comfortable really opening up to you. Allow natural pauses in the conversation to allow the introvert space to roll out what’s on their mind. Introverts don’t fear silence, and in fact, respecting their frequent silent moments without prying for what’s on their mind will help earn you their trust.

Introverts Think Before They Act.

Introverts are more calm and conscientious than their extroverted counterparts. We generally don’t have a problem with impulse control when it comes to speech or actions. Introverts think, speak, and act at our own pace….in our own deliberate way. If we move a little more slowly and cautiously than society’s norm, it’s because we are considering our multiple options before popping off.

Unless you need constant spontaneity from your partner in order to stay engaged, this thoughtful approach to life is a wonderful trait in a romantic partner. Your introvert won’t often say or do careless things that leave you hurt and confused. When an introvert says something, they mean it.

Introverts are Loyal to Those They Love.

Rather than being social butterflies or collectors of dozens of shallow acquaintances, introverts prefer to form strong bonds with a close circle people they trust. Introverts generally have a few very close friends / family members and bond strongly with their romantic partner. Most introverts will not give you cause to suspect a wandering eye or leave you hanging with endlessly fickle commitment.

If an introvert is in love with you, that love runs deep and strong, and will not fade when the first pretty face rounds the next corner. Even if some appear passive on the surface, introverts tend to be very inwardly determined people who will fight to make the relationship work instead of simply giving up and moving “on to the next one” when you hit a rough patch, as even the best relationships do from time to time.

Introverts are Creative.

Choose an introvert if you want someone who will consistently surprise you. Not necessarily with grand gestures or spontaneous actions, but with novel creative ideas and unique solutions to the problems of daily life. Introverts tend to think outside the box, dreaming of all sorts of possibilities rather than just the basics. We like to do things in our own way rather than being hemmed in by tradition.

Many introverts are involved in the creative arts, such as visual art, literature, music, etc. Even if it’s not their “day job” per se, most of us at least have creative hobbies that fuel our inner flame and help us renew ourselves. We will need time and space to ourselves to conduct our creative works, but if you show curiosity and respect, we will allow you a glimpse into these passionate pursuits of ours, and may even let you play, too!

Introverts are Deep.

If your introvert goes quiet (and they often will), you can bet there is a lot going on behind the scenes. Introverts are deep thinkers, and are often deep feelers. Rather than dashing off whatever is on the top of their head, an introvert will think things through before (some might say we are prone to over-thinking or rumination). We will also feel things through; though we may not always show it on the surface, we are often quite emotional and sensitive people.

Life with an introverted partner is anything but shallow. We are makers of meaning in our lives, craving and creating deep and authentic connections rather than shallow one-offs. When an introvert gives you their heart, it is not lightly done. It is a unique and special gift that you should treasure and treat with loving care.

Possible Pitfalls of Romance with an Introvert

If you are a more extroverted type, or simply a different type of introvert, it’s can be easy to (unintentionally) rub your introverted partner the wrong way. This is not at all to say introverts should be treated with kid gloves; simply that if you truly care about your introvert, you should want to know what makes them tick and how to live peacefully with their different temperament. Things that work well for extroverts simply don’t apply when building a relationship with an introvert. Here are a few tips for creating harmony in a relationship with an introvert (and these tips can apply to introverted friends as well):

  • If we go quiet and seem far away, please give us some space rather than demanding to know what’s going on right here and now. We’ll be back, we promise. If the silence is dragging on and you simply must ask, do so gently rather than using force.
  • We need more time to ourselves than extroverts. This may take the form of downtime, naps, solo walks or drives, or hobby time. Don’t be offended when we want to do our thing. It’s not even a WANT; rather, it’s a psychological and physiological NEED we have in order to stay happy and healthy.
  • Don’t expect us to want to go to every party or family function. It’s not that we are antisocial….it’s fundamental to the introverted personality that even enjoyable social interactions drain our energy rather than giving us the same spark an extrovert would derive from the same situation. We will need extra recovery time after a social event, so don’t try to force us to be social butterflies flitting from event to event like there’s nothing to it.
  • Don’t get frustrated if your introverted love’s needs are different from yours. There is no amount of practice, hassling, wheedling, cajoling, rehashing, or reframing that can change the introvert’s temperament. If your introvert suffers from social anxiety, there is certainly a lot which can be done about that (counseling, meditation, relaxation techniques, medication, etc), and you can be a great source of support for them if they are working on overcoming an issue like that. But the root temperament of introversion versus extroversion cannot and should not be changed.
  • Especially if it’s still fairly early in the relationship, never tell your introverted partner that your family or friends “think they don’t like them”. Introverts require extra time to warm up to new people even when they DO like them. If you tell an introvert that people “think they don’t like them”, this will only make the introvert feel more awkward and restrained, when they may be doing their best. Instead, say something like, “so-and-so enjoyed meeting you and would like to get to know you better”, and set up another get-together when it works for everyone. Depending on your level of closeness, it may be helpful and appropriate to communicate your partner’s temperament to your friends or family so that they know where your partner is coming from and don’t assume something is wrong if they are not already wise to spotting and relating to introverts.

Introverts and Romantic Relationships: The Bottom Line

Understand your introverted partner, treasure them, and treat them well, and the two of you can create a richly meaningful life full of connection, romance, and true friendship (this last being the ballast of the longest and healthiest relationships according to old couples the world over).

What has been your experience in romantic relationships with introverts versus extroverts? Are there any special strengths or prickly challenges you believe to be related to your current or former partner’s temperament, and/or your own temperament? Do you have any additional tips for building a healthy and thriving romantic relationship with an introverted partner? Let’s talk in the comments below.

About The Author

craig hill

Craig is the founder of LifeGuider, he is dedicated to improving not only himself but also others in being more physically fit and mentally capable of handling life’s challenges. He is not your regular life coach, no fancy clothes or fast cars, just a regular “Ole Joe” who has experienced the ups and downs of life like everyone else.

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